Well I’m back! Yeah it’s been a while and for the last few months I have been slacking. Sitting on a few book reviews from my dad and a few video blogs and posts I’m working on. So instead of keeping all 6 of my fans waiting I figured I’d toss you out a bone.

Ok I’m a hypocrite because like the rest of you morons I have a Facebook site as well but I’m going to bash it anyway. Now I’m not going the same route as the shit I’ve read about it online: Privacy issues, shady business dealings and all that shit. I’m gonna put my own spin on why I think Facebook sucks and some things that just piss me off to no end.

First lets talk about the shitty “like” button. This one is probably the single most reason I fuckin’ hate Facebook and the moronic people on it. Here is an example. A nameless friend of mine posted up something like “Shitty day, sitting on my couch sad and about to cry” then you see “4 people like this”. Wait what?!?!?! Your “friends” like this? Why in the world would your friends like the fact that you are miserable? That you have had a shitty day? How fuckin heartless and offensive can one person be? Let alone the other 3 morons who “like” that as well. Now if that isn’t bad enough you read the comments and it’s like “Cheer up girlfriend, call you later”….. Later? In the amount of time it took you to log in to Facebook, scroll down the current posts, find this one, comment on it and send it, then upload shitty, out of focus pictures from the binge drinking last night, you could have called your friend to check in on her. But instead you “like” your friends misery and want to show everyone else online how much you care about her by posting a petty comment.

Now speaking of comments another thing that really drives me bat shit crazy is the level of depth you people think you have. First if you are going to quote something make sure its the correct quote. Nothing is worse then posting the lyrics to a song then fuckin’ them up. “I used ta do a little but a little wouldn’t do
So the little guy fell around”. Hey asshole its “So the little got more and more”. And what the fuck is it with the sappy, lovey, touchy-feely quotes. Your not a motivational speaker and your really not that deep. You’re quotes are grade school comments at best. “Never search for true love because true love searches for you and if it’s meant to be it will find you and if you find true love don’t fall too hard because when you fall in love it’s hard on the knees, but when you fall you will find out that your friends are here are for you and they are the ones who love you and you then see what love is really about”. Oh My Fuckin’ GOD! Someone shoot me!!! Did some whacked out cokehead really type this shit at 3:30am and think this was deep? It gave me a headache just reading it. But of course there are 7 people who “like it” and 4 other bimbos commenting “I know how you feel girl, I’ll be here to pick you up when you fall… Call me later”. Holy shit I think I just heard another few brain cells commit suicide in my head….

Next thing that you fuckin idiots do on Facebook that drives me up the fuckin wall is your “Profile Pictures”. Now I’ll be the first to admit I’m using a picture from about 2 or 3 years ago and probably don’t look like that anymore but in all fairness it’s probably a cross of a high school picture and a current picture. If you found me and knew me from high school you’d say “Shit, that’s Aaron!” or if you met me in a bar last week you would know that was me. The other reason I have that pic up is my little brother took it for a photo class and since I’m a proud big brother he knows that I’m proud of him and I’m sure every time he sees it he says to himself “wow he really likes that picture I took of him, I took that” and that makes me happy. Yeah I do have a gay side so fuck off. Now back to your shitty profile pictures. Enough with the dog pictures ok. Nothing is worse then someone wanting to “friend” you and you kind of recognize the name and see he/she has 12 friends in common with you but her site is locked down and all you have to go by is the little picture of a dirty little fuckin snickerdoodle dog. Sorry but I don’t recognize the face so you must not be someone I know. No baby pictures either for the same fuckin reason. I don’t know your baby, you are almost 40 years old now and I haven’t seen you since high school so I have no fuckin idea who this ugly baby belongs to. Also no pictures of your toys, that includes but not limited to: Motorcycles, Cars, Motorhomes, Boats, Houses, Watches, Views from your last vacation hotel etc. For fuck sake just put your fat ass on camera and use a semi non revolting picture of yourself. Who gives a fuck if you have added 30 lbs since high school. I don’t give a fuck, your married with 7 kids, I don’t expect you to have that body you had at 19 when you were a college cheerleader. You went to shit, join the club and welcome to adulthood. And speaking of fat chicks we all know you are chubby, you’re not fooling anyone with the picture taken at arms length above your head to make you look thin. Plus it ends up being more of a shock when we finally add you and think “wow she looks great from her profile pic” only do discover in her photo album she looks like John Candy in drag. Just own it already. You are who you are stop trying to impress the internet because honestly we don’t care. Now guys don’t think you are off the hook on this either. If you are 40 years old and still saying shit like “waz up bitchez yo, popin capz and takin’ namez son” STOP! You’re white, have a child and live in Newton. Enough. We know you are “hard”, great, but leave that for the current generation of Somerville High kids please. And for the love of god put a fuckin’ shirt on. No one want’s to see your creepy latenight topless webcam photo. You look like pedophile surfing late night chat rooms and Chris Hansen is going to bust in any second. It’s just creepy.

Another reason that Facebook sucks is now EVERYONE is one it. That’s great. Families can keep in touch, you re-connect with long lost friends and bla-fuckin’-bla. The problem with this is my Twitter account is linked to my Facebook status. (for you non-tech people that means anything I write in Twitter gets shot out to my Facebook status) Now with my Twitter account, as well as this site, I do it for me, I could care less if you follow or read, but I enjoy making myself laugh and being an asshole. So sometimes I will write something retarded like “My junk is so big my jockstrap is nicknamed “The World Cup”". And what happens? My grandmother “likes” this…. Ewwww Nana!! What the fuck?!?! She isn’t suppose to “like” that?!?! What the hell, that’s just wrong.

By the way, your taste in music sucks and no one wants to know what the fuck you are listening to ALL fuckin’ day. Enough with the video posts of your shitty taste in music. Fine, post a song or two a day, that’s fine but please make sure it’s something worth posting. Promote your friends band, your cousins new video or whatever but honestly we don’t need to know the 30 songs you just listened and honestly we don’t give a fuck. I really don’t need to know that you like the new Creed CD and you are going to post 20 videos corresponding with the CD you have been listening to for two weeks. We get it, you like Creed. Good for you.

Groups, or Pages or whatever the fuck they are called. Enough with joining them. Please make sure they have some relevance to your life. Yeah I’ve joined a few, like I said in the beginning I’m a fuckin’ hypocrite. At least they have some relevance to my life. “I hate people that only call me for free tickets”. Fitting, Aerosmith is playing Fenway next month and how appropriate is this. My phone, email and day to day conversations have since ended with “any chance of getting tickets to Fenway” Ummm NO! Stop with the retarded groups like “If you see this picture you will never eat Wendys again” or “Likes when fish tastes like chicken” or “Lets see if this carrot can get more friends then Obama” Who gives a fuck! Enough, the first one or two have been funny but just because you just joined Facebook last week doesn’t mean that we haven’t been there for YEARS now and have seen it all. You and your stupid groups aren’t funny. And STOP suggesting them to me. I don’t give a fuck about your carrot or your lame ass groups which usually die off in about 2 days anyway. Also some information for you newbies out there, anything that makes you follow two or three tasks is a SCAM. If you can’t just click the “likes” button then it’s a way for a site, YouTube video, or whatever to get more hits. When you jump through the hoops it sends requests and hits to where ever the fuck they are porting it to and you are basically helping them spam the internet so stop it already. Use some common sense. Google it you’ll see. Fuck do I have to teach you everything.

Next, you are a fuckin lush. Plain and simple! If you are still drinking every night and posting pictures of your drunk ass all over town followed up by “omg I’m so hung over” the next day, you have a problem. I know, I know, “but Aaron, you’ve done that and what’s wrong with going out and having fun on Friday and Saturday night, that’s what the weekends are for”. You’re right, but I’m talking about the post you posted up last Wednesday morning. Following that Tuesday night bender. You have a problem and need some serious drug and alcohol treatment.

Enough with the numbers game too. Stop friending me just to add stable of “friends”. I haven’t seen you since 1992, don’t even remember your name, we aren’t friends and never were. Why would I add you now? What purpose or reason would I have to add you to my “friends”? Do you even know me. I had one class with you in high school for half a year, we aren’t buddies. Sorry to be harsh but it’s true. And if you are going to “add” me as a friend, send me a note. How about “Hey Aaron, remember me? We use to skate at Lincoln Park as kids. Just bumped in to you and wanted to know how ya been”. Don’t just randomly add me because we have a mutual friend then not say anything. Show me a little respect and say hello. Fuck common decency people. Introduce yourself. If we met at a party after all these years would you re-introduce yourself and maybe make some small talk or would you start telling everyone how great of a “friend” I am? God it’s the internet people but let’s not forget there are people behind this shit. Out of the maybe 30-40 requests I get a week (Mostly from Aero fans) not one “friend” adds a note. The sad part is more of the Aero fans attach some type of email saying “Hey Aaron, don’t know if you add fans or not but your step-dad rocks and if you arent private add me”. I get more respect from total strangers the I do from my so-called “friends”. Go figure…..

Lets stop with the Facebook games as well. I’ll admit I got hooked into Farmville for a bit. Mom and Grandmother wanted neighbors and I played for a couple weeks. It happens to the best of us. But stop with all the other games. Farmville, Cityville, Goldville, Somerville and your Wars too, Mafiawars, GuildWars, IraqWars, etc. We get it, you can play some games on Facebook. Stop sending me requests to play because I don’t have the time or I really don’t give a fuck. I was playing computer games back when you were hanging out in AOL chatrooms. I have been on the internet a lot longer then you. On the same subject enough with the “TOP 5″ lists and the “See how much so-n-so knows about you”. I don’t give a fuck about which 5 supermodels you think are bitchy and really give a fuck less about how much you know about me. I’m not going to “check it out” because honestly I know nothing about you and only added you because I was feeling generous that day you friend requested me. All I know is you got fat over the years.

Oh yeah comments in general. If I post something about what I’m currently doing, don’t fuck up the thread and start asking questions about what I did two weeks ago. If I’m posting up “Having some sweet BBQ with my son” Don’t start asking about my Paris trip three weeks ago. Email me or just stat a new thread on my wall. For fuck sake you are fucking with the flow of my page. Next thing I have 10 people talking about Paris under a BBQ post with my son?? Continuity people. Lets stay on track please. The Paris post is only two inches further down my page. Find it you lazy ass and comment there. What the fuck.

This kind of goes back to profile pics and comments again. You’re a whore. Yeah I said it. This goes for both guys and girls. If you are married or in a committed relationship and you are commenting on how “hot” someone looks, you’re an asshole. If your wife or husband isn’t one of your “friends” and you have pics of you showing your boobs or abs all over the place you are an attention getting whore. If you allow everyone to comment on how sexy, hot or great you look you have no respect for your other half and honestly you have some self esteem issues. If you are looking to the internet to validate your beauty you have problems.

Lastly get a fucking decent camera. Enough with the shitty out of focus pictures. Yeah we all take a few bad shots but they still look semi-cool and may be the only one we have of that shot. But if all your pictures look like they were shot through a dirty window it’s time to invest in a good camera.

So there you have it. Facebook sucks! If you made it through this whole post maybe start a little fuckin’ group about it.