Posts Tagged Sucks

Let’s see how long it takes the NFL to shut me down for even saying the word Super Bowl. Isn’t that trademarked or some shit. Fuck it. I wouldn’t back down. It might just be the fight Winky Face needs to get on the map.

Ok here is the point of this post. I hate the Super Bowl. I can’t stand it. I watch the NFL draft, I watch pre-season, I watch the regular season every weekend and I watch the playoffs, I watch the Pro Bowl, and yes I watch the dreaded Super Bowl. Why do I hate this final game so much? Well as an NFL fan this game isn’t for me. It’s for the morons and retards who watch one game a year. See the NFL already has me as a loyal viewer. Week in and week out I’m there. 16-0 or 0-16 I’m watching my team play. When I have the time I’m also watching other teams across the league play. Now the NFL knows this, but the Super Bowl, well that’s totally different. How do you get “everyone else” to watch the game?? Well you spend millions and millions of dollars in advertisements and even more money on half time shows. Do you really think us NFL fans give a fuck about a half time show? Do I really want to watch Britney Spears shake her ass (well yes but not today) for 20 minutes instead of watching the game? Do I give a fuck about the witty commercials “everyone is talking about the next day”… Not really. I don’t care about summer blockbuster movies, which bimbo is going to show her tits for the new GoDaddy commercial and I really don’t want to see some “iconic” rock band dance around like a bunch of assholes fucking up the field. Now I know some of you know my family history and are probably going to say “But Aaron, didn’t your stepdad play the half time show one year?” Yes, he did, and that was fuckin’ cool of course!! And while it was cool to see, great for his career and awesome because I got to see my first Super Bowl game at the stadium it brings up another point. There were no “fans” in the damn stadium. Ok maybe there were a few but the fuckin’ game was loaded with press people, famous people, suits, advertisers, seats most likely given out as some favor or some shit, but no it wasn’t a Football game crowd by any stretch of the imagination! I mean if you are the casual Super Bowl watcher do me a favor, go to a local game next season and watch a game, if you can make it a rivalry game or playoff game even better but if not no worries just go see a game. Don’t watch one game a year and call yourself a fan. Btw no club seats or a luxury box doesn’t count. If you can get end zone tickets, in the snow, drunk. Then you will be a fan. Once you see that you will realize that no, the Super Bowl isn’t for the NFL fans.

Next what drives me up the fuckin wall is on Monday around the water cooler I have assholes asking me “Hey how did you like the Super Bowl” and I say “well the defense was flat and the other team took crazy advantage every chance they got. If it wasn’t for that play in the 3rd quarter (and dude, buy the way they are quarters not periods, a period is what happens to you once a month jackass) I think the game would have done a 180 but overall it was a good game” Then these jackasses say “yeah but what about those commercials” Huh? What the fuck did you just ask me? Commercials? How the fuck do I know, that’s when I go get more beer and maybe another serving of ribs. That’s also when I check my squares and see all the scoring combination that can possibly be made so I can win, then brag that if I get one safety and a two field goals and missed extra point in 3 minutes I’ll win $500. You think I’m actually sitting around enjoying the commercials? If it wasn’t for my guests I’d DVR the fuckin’ game and start it an hour later so I can zip through the commercials you so hold so highly.

I mean really?!?! Commercials? EVERY other day of the year people hate commercials, we watch stuff on DVR, DVD, the internet and TiVo just to blast through the commercials. Remember fellow Winky readers, we HATE advertisers (rest in peace Billy Mays, the only advertiser worth his weight in gold), we hate these assholes. These are the same jerkoffs who come out with dolls you breast feed and tell you that you can really tell the difference between Brand A and Brand B. These are the same people who spend millions and millions just to sell a $1.00 candy bar. Yet this Sunday for some reason these same commercials I hate so much are finally special? Not to mention they will be running for the next 4 months around the clock after the game had long been over? I mean seriously people you are talking about commercials. It’s nothing more then a means of suckering you in to buying their shit over some other companies shit. Do you really want to feed in to this? You have all bought it hook, line and sinker. I mean really??? Commercials??

Next is the pre-game and half-time shows. I can tell you I have never seen one pre-game show (and yes my stepdad also played one of those as well). I don’t see the point. Just start the game. Which brings me to another point. Just sing the National Anthem in under 10 mins please. We don’t need a soulful rendition of the song. It works fine on it’s own merits. None of this Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pause pause breath Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-eeeee-ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Makes me want to puke!! Like I said earlier just play the fuckin game. When all is said and done the halftime show is what 45 mins? Seriously? Just play the game. Stop with the circus already. I don’t need The Who, The Boss, or whatever tendy cool hip “artist” happens to be hot at the moment. I really don’t want to see Lady GaGa’s camel toe while I’m trying to watch a game for god sake! Please just put that thing away. That goes double for Janet’s plastic titties too. (Yeah I went there)

Another thing I know is going to happen but if I hear one word about Haiti and how everyone is wearing arm bands or some shit I promise I’m going to shoot my TV. Before you start thinking I don’t give a fuck about Haiti you are wrong. I just don’t want to see it during my Super Bowl. It’s not the time or the place. I watch sports because it’s an escape from reality, it’s a game, key word being “game”, it’s not suppose to be serious. And to be honest I really don’t give a shit about what some ex-football player who left college early to play football and lost all his shit when he left the NFL but now a commentator for the game has to say. His opinion means nothing to me. He probably couldn’t find Haiti on a map. Yet I’m suppose to pause for a moment because some college intern working for NBC wrote him some speech. Blow me and your grandstanding.

So there ya have it. Just so you know while you are at work this Monday talking around the water cooler and see me walk up, please don’t ask me my thoughts about the Super Bowl because I really don’t think you want to know.