‘Tis the season! And since retail stores are jumping on the holiday bandwagon before Thanksgiving I figured fuck it, I can to. So here is my pre-Xmas story before we even have turkey.

Does this image offend you? When you see this do your panties get all bunched up? Does this picture sum up all that’s wrong with this country? Do you get offended when employees say “Merry Christmas” to you at Target?

Are you so wrapped up in anger, hate and misery that you can’t appreciate any joy whatsoever? What the hell is wrong with you people? It’s not a fuckin’ “Holiday Tree” it’s a…. come on say it with me…… FUCKIN CHRISTMAS TREE!!! You people are so wrapped up in your Political Correctness you’re now gone completely brain-dead.

Now my father is Jewish and my mom converted so I guess technically I’m Jewish but ya know what I couldn’t give a fuck about candles, and I really couldn’t give a fuck about Santa either.

First, I’m fuckin’ 36 years old and realized years ago that HunakaKwanzamas is for fuckin’ kids. Children people! Not your lame, old, Cambridge ass. So first and foremost stop ruining this time of year for the kids. Step back and realize that Miracle on 34th Street isn’t going to fuck up your child if they attend a play with their school. Nether is It’s a Wonderful Life. They are great stories and have given joy to many generations probably even before your dumb ass was born. There are also great lessons to be learned from these “classic” movies. Not only is it for kids it’s for families. It’s a time to appreciate your family, friends and just life in general. Spread joy and happiness. “Merry Christmas” is a “holiday greeting” and I hate to break it to you but it’s what the majority of people celebrate. If you are a Jew and someone says “Merry Xmas sir” just fuckin’ say thanks or “Thanks man and Happy חנוכה” (that was Hanukkah btw) back. Is that so wrong? If you aren’t Jewish and believe in the great meatball in the sky just say “Happy Holidays”. Or how about just fuckin’ say “thanks”. They didn’t say “Hey sir your god blows monkey balls and mine is better so I’m going to force you to believe in god and if you don’t like it go fuck yourself”. You people are always talking about mutual respect and “can’t we all get along” but causing this divide isn’t doing us any good. It’s creating a bigger drift apart. Fuck your war on happiness. Lighten the fuck up and get over yourself. But please stop trying to control what people say. That’s censorship. Stopping ME from saying “Merry Christmas” is censoring me. And who the fuck are You to censor ME? It’s just a greeting. Words aren’t always offensive. It’s how those words are used. Tone, context and meaning.

Second, who the fuck are you to tell people, me and others what is offensive and what isn’t? Case in point. There is this local story about a town here in Ma. Going back to my first point. A few overly tense, obsessive, douche parents wanted their school to not let the students travel to another school to watch the play Miracle on 34th Street. When the school asked the kids (esp the Jewish kids) if they “had a problem with attending the play” they said “fuck no” (I’m paraphrasing of course). They were more then happy to go and said they WANTED to see it and thought it would be fun in NO WAY were offended. Yet the parents still put up a stink and got their way. So this school (mainly the kids) missed out on a great field trip. For what? For two pissed off parents. Who are they to take your views and make EVERYONE follow them even against their wishes. STOP LOOKING OUT FOR ME!!! I can do that on my own. I have my own voice. Did that make you feel better? Knowing you spoiled the trip for everyone. Were you happy? Are you happy knowing you kids friends think you are a huge douche bag for spoiling the trip? For offending everyone involved other then yourself? For creating offense where there is none? Fuckin’ no one was offended!!! There was no issue or problem until YOU created it. Then take this Chelmsford, MA. School for example. For years many schools raise funds by asking parents to buy a bunch of trinkets and tchotchkes and donate them to the school for a “gift room”. Well this year Chelmsford sent this memo to parents:

Items NOT Permitted:
· No Christmas, Chanukah or religious items
· No Santa, candy canes or stockings
· No Food – Allergies

Ok I get the last one. Last thing ya wanna do is have some peanuts or some shit and have some little retard go into anaphylactic shock because he didn’t know the Resee’s Cups had peanuts in them. But really? the rest. I seriously don’t know what is wrong with you people?? I can’t wrap my head around this. What “harm” does this cause? Just fuckin’ ban Christmas already will ya. Though I’m sure whatever the fuck Mohammad does for Christmas is perfectly fine. But really? What the hell is left for a holiday gift shop if you take out anything that has to do with the holidays. And when will you people realize that hardly anyone associates Christmas with religion. Yeah we all know, the day baby Jesus was born. But come on now it’s been so commercialized its comical. And what the fuck did Santa ever do to anyone? No Santa? What the hell do they have against the Coca-Cola company? I’m sure if Santa was Asian, in a wheelchair, wore a turban and was gay they would be fine with him. But wait he eats too many carbs. He is creating an unrealistic image of fat people. Not all fat people are jolly. Maybe we need a new Santa. A gay woman, fit but not too fit, maybe packing on about 15-25 extra pounds, with a PETA bumper sticker and an Obama hat giving free health care for all the poor little boys and girls throughout the country. Maybe then Santa would be accepted. But don’t give too many presents to the little white boys and girls because we all know (esp the boys) that white boys are naughty because they have an unfair advantage to begin with. Maybe Santa should be an “undocumented” citizen and only gives gifts to those in need. Maybe Santa can come to my house with her lover and take my son’s gifts and go down the street and give them to the poor kids. My kid didn’t “need” those presents anyway. And hell I worked hard for me and my family so sure Santa can come “spread the joy” spread my joy and give it to others anyway. I don’t need it right. It’s not fair that I have so much joy and the people down the street have none. Doesn’t matter how hard I worked for my joy or how hard they didn’t work for theirs. What is fair is fair right. That sounds like an awesome holiday person. And we should change if from December to some random day in May. But not the same day every year and not the same month either. That wouldn’t be fair for the other days and months. It will be a random day every year not in December. A mass government email will be sent out every January 1st to let everyone know what day we are celebrating the “day of something special, but not too special with no religious meaning attached” day. I like that. It’s catchy. I can see the cards now “Happy day of something special, but not too special with no religious meaning attached day” Love Aaron.

Next, people are different. That’s what makes this country GREAT! We all have different beliefs and views. The difference between you and me is I respect that. I respect that a majority celebrate Christmas and I really don’t give a fuck. What you do and how you go about it is none of my fuckin’ business. If saying “Happy Festivus” makes you happy and you want to spread that joy to me, awesome! We are different, I was the only Jew out of all my friends and ya know what they use to make fun of me when I was a kid, but I made fun of the Irish kids for being drunks, the slow kids for being slow and the tall kids for being tall. I use to call these two spanish kids who sat behind me in English class “Spic & Span” and they liked it, it was like the Latino version of “frick and frack”. Thought it was clever and funny. Did I say “your a fuckin Spic”, NO, never any ever malice intended. Did I turn around and say “spic and span either of you guys got a pen I can borrow?”. Sometimes they would reply “blow me Jew” and we would all laugh. I never did figure out which one was which. Anyway they would “razz” me right back. God forbid I ever wore a stupid shirt or some shit in high school, it would be day of people reminding me how douchy I looked. Not all “busting of balls” is offensive. Some of it is harmless fun. It’s not harassment or hazing. Some of it is just “one-upping” each other. Just like “your mother” jokes. Is you mother REALLY so fat that she “fill in the blank” no, and if she… well I got a few more jokes for ya. So appreciate the differences and well if you are like me exploit them and make fun of them. Make the world laugh. Stop trying to make the world uptight and tense for no reason.

Fuck this post is getting long. If you are still with me on this one, you my friend are a real trooper. I’m sure I lost a few readers after the first paragraph. Anyway, kind on this same subject why is that the wrong people are always offended? Why is it that Janeane Garofalo is always taking up the fight for poor black people? Why is it white ex-Catholic people are always taking up the fight for the Jews? Why is the Atheist people are always offended by anything, period. Like the Atheist dad who tried to sue the mom because her AND her son wanted the son to enroll in a Catholic School? The kicker…. The guy was a deadbeat dad and never had anything to do with the raising of the kid. Yeah douche, now you stick your nose in it? “For the best interest of my child” No asshole the best interest of your child would have been to have a helping hand in raising him. My point is its ALWAYS the wrong people fighting for the cause. Whether it’s white guilt or some other shit it’s never the people that they say are offended. But next time you hear about the “war on Christmas” or the people trying to stop the holiday fun make sure you take an extra hard look at them. I guarantee that they are not the “ones offended” they are “speaking up for those who have no voice”. No retard it’s not that they don’t have a voice, it’s that it’s not important enough or offensive enough for them to voice anything about it. Fuckin moron.

To sum it all up. If you are offended by something change the channel, look away, don’t support it, don’t buy it or don’t shop there (fuck I think I have said that in many posts before). Stop taking up the fight for me. I’m a big boy and I can take it. Stop drumming up false offense where there is none. Not everything needs to be “correct”, and not everything is “political”. You really have some serious mental issues if the words “Merry Christmas” offends you. If a Christmas Tree offends you, you really have fuckin problems. If saying “Holliday Tree” is less offensive then you are a douche. You are thinking too much. The White House Christmas Tree has NOTHING to do with the “separation of Church and State”. No one is trying to indoctrinate you and/or your kids. As a Jew I’ll tell you I get offended when people call it a “holiday tree” or purposely go out of their way to stop anything that has to do with Christmas because of “the Jews” Hey blowhard, I’m fine with it, I never asked you to say anything for me. But again I’m gonna point out the difference between you and I. I’m not calling schools and bullying people to make them stop and force them to do what I want. It’s a free country and we can all be offended by stupid shit if we want. I’m not going to side with Christmas or with you because it’s really not that important when you get right down to it. I’ll go on with my life either way. Just remember that saying your dad use to say “Stop crying before I give you something to cry about”. Well fucknut, “stop being offended before I give you something to really be offended about”.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot: