So today I want to talk about another peeve of mine. The saying:

There are two sides to every story, then there is the truth.

I abso-fuckin-lutly hate this statement. First off if the “story” involves more then two people then your shitty little statement already got blown out of the window. What, now you meant “there are three sides to a story and the truth”? Fuck it, lets just say the story involves two people to keep it simple. This statement also assumes that both people are fuckin’ retards (a statement I usually would agree with but if I’m involved then it’s me and a moron). What I mean by that is that you now assume that both people can’t recall an event, subject, story without fuckin’ it up somehow. That both people see it different then how it actually is. Again not always the case. Wait, before you get all philosophical on me and try to explain how everyone is different, I want to stop you and say slow down Nietzsche because no, they ain’t. We can “target” markets, people, groups, races, religions, etc for our own benefit because people are sheep, plain and simple. Fuck, advertisers do it all the time, why, because a lot more people are alike then they are different. This whole “everyone is different” shit is just something you say to yourself to feel special, but trust me you aren’t that special.

Example story: Me and my buddy go out for a drink on Friday night. I get a flat tire and my girlfriend is pissed off that I come home at 4:00am in the morning. I tell her “I got a flat tire”. She doesn’t believe me, she calls my buddy and he says “We got a flat tire”. One fuckin story AND the truth.

Another example: I get in a fight with my friend because he is being a douche. I tell him “dude your being a fuckin’ douche and I don’t appreciate it”. He throws a pissy-fit and we have a falling out. Now everyone asks me “dude what happened?”, I say “he was being a douche and I called him out and he got pissed off and I haven’t talked to him yet”. They ask my friend and he says “I don’t know, he was being all overly-sensitive one day and just started a fight and I haven’t heard from him once since then”. This is two sides of the story, true, but one side IS the truth and one isn’t. Was my buddy lying when he said his side of the story? Maybe not, but his memory isn’t worth shit and he is brutal at recalling stories plus he probably doesn’t want to admit he was being a douche and he was wrong. Here you have the truth and a moron. This saying would be what: “There are sometimes two sides of a story, one of said stories happens to be the truth while the other is not a correct recollection?” That’s catchy huh?

Last example: Read a fuckin’ book. One story, one side. I read a Koontz book last month, my dad read the same Koontz book. Guess what, it was the same book for him as it was for me. Fuckin’ Koontz made up the story so there is only one side to tell. And don’t give me that shit about “well each character in the story has a side to tell”, no moron “they” aren’t even “they” it’s names on a page, “they” aren’t even real people. There is no “other side” to that story, unless Koontz wants to “make one up”. Would this saying be: “There are two sides to every story, unless that story is made up by someone and told by that someone and happens to not really have anything to do with the truth at all because it’s a made up story anyway”??

The only way this statement is true is if both people are trying to fabricate the story to the best of their interests, both morons, self-serving or whatever. Before you get on your soap box and start talking about “there are two sides to every story” please stop for a fuckin’ second and realize that you are a retard and probably wouldn’t see the “truth” if I slapped you in the face with it anyway. And who the fuck are you to judge the “truth” anyway. Sometimes it is what it is, accept it. Not to mention that’s such a cunty, naggy thing to say to someone when they are trying to tell you what happened. Honestly next time someone says this to me I’m going to scream. I mean really, if you say that to me you are basically telling me I’m lying to you, that my “side” isn’t the truth. Well fuck you! See, you really don’t want to be that douche bag do you?